I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
