She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
