I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
