nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
