i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
