it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
