Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
