Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
