So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
honey bunches of taint.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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