I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
