I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
People in love make me want to vomit
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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