My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
