he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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