Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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