it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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