So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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