My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
