I think I died a long time ago.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
