I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
