You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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