so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
