She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
