At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
