i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
