When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
