i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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