Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
