I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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