Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
