Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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