dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
