He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
