life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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