Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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