the condom got lost in my hair
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
