A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
