You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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