Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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