He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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