Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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