Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
