apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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