I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
