..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
