Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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