If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
