Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
