I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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