we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
