the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
