went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
