so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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