my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
