I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
